Islam: The Introvert’s Seclusion; The Extrovert’s Party

Roger de Pasquier (1990, viii) says that “To unveil Islam as it is, is to find proof that this Truth (i.e. God) can still be lived, both on the individual and collective levels . . .” I’m particularly interested in the words individual and collective in this statement and how they relate to religion.

Often when talking about religion we read about its relationship with gender, race, social status, nationality, etc. Hardly do we read about how religion integrates personality differences. This is an overlooked area of religious studies. I believe religions like Islam play a vital role in attending to the psychological needs of humans, including different personality types.

Humans can broadly be divided into introverts and extroverts. Introverts are people who gain energy from being alone, while extroverts are people who gain energy from being with other people. The words introvert and extrovert do not indicate how much a person talks. An introvert can be very talkative, while an extrovert can be quiet.

Having forwarded definitions, we can now analyse how Islam attends to the needs of both introverts and extroverts. Firstly, the introvert. Imagine someone ensconced in his favourite rocking chair in a woollen blanket on a chilly Winter evening. It’s 10pm, an hour before bed time. What better thing to do (for an introvert) than read a book. Well in this example, the introvert happens to be Muslim. Are there any Islamic activities an introvert might partake in? There are plenty, which all centre around the same theme: remembrance of God. These include prayer, rosary beads, reciting Qur’an, the Sufi practice of muraqaba (taking account of oneself), and even calligraphy. All these practices are connected to Islam in some way; all can be done by oneself in the quiet of one’s room; all enable one to explore one’s inner world; all enable an introvert’s seclusion.

What if we change the time, location, and personality type? It’s 6pm, at the mosque, and we are observing an extrovert. What better thing to do for an extrovert than be around people. In this example, the extrovert is Muslim. Are there any activities an extrovert might partake in at the mosque? There are plenty. These include greeting people he knows and those he doesn’t know with the Islamic greeting “assalaamu alaykum” (peace of God be upon you), absorbing the spiritual energies of those around him, listening to adhaan (the call to prayer), listening to the recitation of the Imam during the congregational prayer, chatting to friends after the prayer. Simply put, being at the mosque for the congregational prayer makes the extrovert feel connected.

In the ways described above, Islam facilitates a feeling of connection in both individual and collective environments. Myself, I am an introvert, and I love being able to be alone with my rosary bead or Qur’an or Islamic book. These cultural artefacts enable me to feel connected even while alone. My wife on the other hand is an extrovert, and she loves being able to recharge her batteries from being surrounded by positive people at Islamic events.

May God make us all, introvert and extrovert, feel connected always. Aameen.

We Have Freedom

We’re always complaining about the lack of control we have over our lives. We “gotta pay taxes”, “we gotta follow the road rules”, “we gotta do what the government says”, and so on.

Actually, there are countless moments of choice in our everyday lives. We can say ‘good morning’ or keep our head down and walk past without a glance; we can say that mean word or withhold it; we can judge someone harshly or give them some leeway; we can take out our frustrations on others or step back, take a deep breath and ‘get over it.’

In all these instances, the way we behave is totally in our control. Nobody is commanding us to do one thing over the other. Even God has given us the freedom to choose. Sure, He tells us what to do and what not to do, but has left the decision to act or not to act in our hands. I find it empowering to know that I have the free will to choose what I want to do, when I want to do it.

Of course, this is not to say that there are no influences on our behaviour outside ourselves. There are celebrities, actors, pop stars, athletes, and our own peers, all who tell us in commercials, movies, television shows, music videos, and one-on-ones, what we should do in certain situations. But even here whether we listen to their suggestions or not is our choice. We have the freedom to say, “sorry mate, but I think your way of doing things is not right.”

On reflection, then, we do have a lot of control over our lives. May God grant us guidance and wisdom in our choices. Aameen.         

Learn From Experience

In Choosing Happiness, Stephanie Dowrich makes the astute observation that “your own life experience is the greatest teacher you will ever have” (p. 38). What does this insight tell us? Well, for one, it suggests that complaining about life is the wrong way to use our emotional energy. Rather than complain, we should embrace the events of the day because each one is a lesson for us. Weeks are lessons for us. Months are lessons for us. And years also provide lessons. The more we live the more we can learn.

Have you heard the saying “haven’t you learnt anything from your past mistakes?” That’s a phrase none of us wants to hear. But from time to time we get it slapped in our face after an alcohol fuelled altercation, a speeding or parking fine, a telling off from the boss for being late again on a Monday.

All these things could have been avoided had we learnt from our previous experiences. A Sufi shaykh makes the point that we can train ourselves to prevent the occurrence of certain negative outcomes. What we can do after some unfortunate incident is reflect on the situation this incident occurred in: the time, location, social environment (people one was with at the time of the incident).

Take the example of the boss telling you off for being late on Monday. It makes sense to think back on what happened on Sunday to identify possible causes or correlations for the lateness. For one, every few Sundays, you attend a social gathering at a friend’s townhouse. This friend invites several young men over to watch the Sunday night basketball game and drink lots of beer. Each time, despite telling your friend and the others present you want to leave the gathering at 10pm to be home and in bed by 11pm (to wake up at 6am the following morning), you end up giving in to their requests to stay until midnight.  

To apply the shaykh’s teaching, let’s break down the event:

Time: Sunday evening

Location: Friend’s townhouse

Social environment: friends

What can we conclude from the information above? Obviously, the friends are the problem. They do not seem to care about your responsibilities of having a job. It might be time to find new friends, ones whom you can enjoy spending a Sunday evening, and still be home in time to get plenty of sleep before the next work day.

Or is it that you have a problem, in that you do not want to disappoint your friends or seem unsociable by leaving early? You are worried about the impact it may have on your friendships. Thus, although being consciously aware of the time, feeling guilty even, you give in because the company is sweet and having a break from the day to day grind feels necessary. These are good people and have been friends for a long time. And we all know good friends don’t come so easy in life. But as time has gone on, lives have changed and responsibilities increased. Some friends are still living the bachelor life, others have kids, a mortgage repayment, and the circle of life to get through.

The upshot of the shaykh’s teaching is to look for patterns. Life is full of patterns. It is our job to be aware of them. Stephanie Dowrich says “once you recognise a pattern, it loses the power that it had while it was still unconscious” (p. 9). Isn’t it true sometimes that realisation of our habits comes as a shock? Sometimes it takes a nudge from someone else, and sometimes it’s inspired, but always a surprise. It usually sounds something like “I can’t believe I’ve been doing that all these years.” However, after the shock comes relief that we don’t need to suffer anymore, and excitement about how we’ll do things differently from now on.

Reflection and learning from life are gifts from God. May God enable us to reflect and learn. Aameen. 

Character is Action

Been doing some reading on character, from both sociological and philosophical perspectives. Here are some reflections on what I’ve read so far.

Developing good character is not the mere reading of manuals on morals and virtues; one must practice. The specification of the virtues is not just some abstract exercise; its value is in its practical utility. Aristotle was clear on this matter when he said the following:

The purpose of our examination is not to know what virtue is, but to become good, since otherwise the inquiry would be of no benefit to us. And so we must examine the right ways of acting.

Reflecting on ideals is a step toward become people who practice good morals. Doris (1998, 512) says that “through reflection on moral exemplars, we may improve our own character and conduct.” In Islam, reflection involves reading about the life of the Prophet Muhammad, who is said to have the most perfect character and is the moral exemplar par excellence for Muslims. Proof for this comes in the sahih hadith in Musnad Ahmad in which the Prophet is reported to say, “I have only been sent to perfect good moral character.” Common sense says that only someone with excellent character can teach others about how to develop good character.

I should add here that the Prophet Muhammad was not only sent to Muslims. In the Qur’an, God says, “And We have not sent you, [O Muhammad], except as a mercy to the worlds” (21: 107). Anybody and everybody can benefit from learning about his behaviour in various situations: through sadness, trial, joy, marriage, friendship, fatherhood, as a leader, as an orphan, as a worshipper of God. Hence, the beauty of the Prophet’s story is that any Tom, Dick, or Harry can relate to him.

May God grant us good character. May we have beautiful manners like the Prophet Muhammad. Aameen.