Poems and Aphorisms 15

Open Mind

Scanning the bookshelves for wisdom

On the lookout for sages to whom one can listen

Reading with glee the great minds of the past

But not afraid to step out of the shadows they cast

Not afraid to think for ourselves

To write new ideas stacked on people’s shelves

We don’t shy away from thinking outside the box

Open minded enough to cut new keys for old locks

Seeing beauty in different colours

Not self-centred, but sharing with others

Not getting caught up in theological debates

But busy looking with awe at what He creates

Able to converse with all mankind

Black or white, brown or yellow, we really don’t mind

Who comes knocking at our door

Who sits on our rug and honours our floor

Whether Zen Buddhist or Hindu Shaman

Plato or Thomas Merton

We take benefit from all

Always ready to heed wisdom’s call

From different religions and different tribes

All are welcome to spread good vibes

To love and know one another

Sister and sister, brother and brother

We cultivate big hearts

Assist others in playing their part

As Rumi said: “Ours is not a caravan of despair”

For all we pray and for all we care

Death

Introduction

Death is something that contemporary Western society rarely reflects on. We see on the news every night that such number of people died in a car crash or that some celebrity died of a heart attack. Then the news switches to the weather. Life goes on. In my opinion people we who are alive should reflect on death. My reflections on death follow.

Death and Meaning of Life

Perhaps one reason why death is rarely mentioned today is because many feel it makes life meaningless. In his book, The Road Less Travelled and Beyond, Dr Scott Peck makes the point that rather than take away meaning death gives meaning to life. Death does this because it puts a limit to life; we can’t live forever. Anyone who contemplates death will sooner or later ask himself or herself the questions “What is the meaning of life?” and “What am I to do while on this Earth?” The answer to these questions will be different for different people, but a common thread in the answers will surely be the attempt to make some meaning out of this limited life.

Death and Motivation

Apart from finding the purpose of one’s life, the thought of death leads to a second development: it drives people to act. This is because, as Dr Peck observed in his work as a therapist, that people act when given a deadline. Death is the most important of all deadlines that we have. However, unlike other deadlines like the end of the month to renew one’s driver’s license or the end of the week to hand in one’s dissertation, the deadline of death is unknown. As God says in the Holy Qur’an: “No self knows what it will earn tomorrow and no self knows in what land it will die.” (31:33-34). There is wisdom in God not telling us the exact time and place of our death. One such wisdom is that we would live each day as if it were our last, or as the saying goes “live life to the max.”

Many inspiring stories exist of people who have a short time to live. Such stories illustrate the fact that people decide to live life to the full because they know roughly how long they have left to live. What occurs in these stories is amazing spiritual growth, which includes repentance, forgiveness, and reconciliation. Learning about death, then, is therapeutic: coming to terms with your end enables you to become the person you have always wanted to be.

It would be true to say that as soon as we are born we are dying. Whether death comes a decade or three decades or six decades or nine decades later, we are all people who are, in the general sense of the word, dying. However, we rarely live in a way that reflects this fact. In our youth, and even middle age, we live as though we’ll live forever. Then, at some point around the age of sixty, our bodies change dramatically and we start thinking about the inevitable. It is then that some of us begin to live fuller lives. Why start at sixty? We can start living fuller lives and experience repentance, forgiveness, and reconciliation in our twenties or thirties. 

Dying Throughout Life

The Ancient Roman philosopher Seneca (d. 65 AD) is quoted as saying: “Throughout the whole of life, one must continue to learn how to live, and what will amaze you even more, throughout life one must learn to die.” While many a saint in many a religion has talked about dying before one’s death (and their words are available on the internet) let me think out aloud my own interpretation of Seneca’s words (this is a thinker’s retreat after all!). I interpret dying throughout life as dying to worldliness. That is, one loses all desire for “worldly” things, things that are tangible like wealth and possessions, but also things that are intangible like fame, position, praise, and glory. Throughout adulthood we encounter situations in which we can develop an attachment to these things. Such situations are tests, and they will keep coming throughout one’s life, even on one’s death bed. The challenge is to keep resisting worldliness, to keep dying. And by dying constantly throughout life, by the time one’s biological death comes, our spiritual selves will be able to soar above the pain of separation with this world and instead experience contentment and even a sense of joy.

The work of dying throughout life must be done alone. There is a saying that goes “God has no grandchildren.” Dr Peck mentions this saying in relating that “we cannot relate to God through our parents” (Road Less Travelled and Beyond, p. 66). And similarly, we cannot perform the task of dying through our parents, or priests, or imams, or friends.  

The Stopover of Life

A helpful analogy that one can remember when struggling with dying throughout one’s life is that given by the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of God be upon him). One day he was with a companion named Abdullah bin `Umar when he took hold of the shoulder of this companion and said, “Be in this world as if you were a stranger or a traveller” (Bukhari). This is one of my favourite reports from the life of the Prophet Muhammad. Why? Because it brings to mind the fact that this life is just a stopover on a journey whose destination is beyond this world. An otherworldly destination - how mysterious and exciting!

Death and Ageing

It is very human to think about death. We are the only creature that is aware of its mortality. Dr Scott Peck points out in The Road Less Travelled and Beyond that “some have labelled this not only the human condition but the human dilemma because people tend to find this awareness excruciatingly painful” (p. 88). Consciousness of death is painful because it entails anticipating a stripping away process that old age brings. This stripping away process effects people differently: for some it’s loss of eyesight, for some loss of hearing, for a portion loss of mobility, for others loss of socialising. But for all ageing is a process that is, as Dr Peck notes, a “preparation for the Afterlife.” Nothing like old age can bring out a readiness to leave this world and enter the next stages of life.

Conclusion

Death is a phenomenon in which there is mercy and justice. It is part of life, but not the end of life because after we die physically we continue to live spiritually. And it is our spiritual self which travels to lands we can only imagine. Death is thus a door to another stage of life. It is beneficial. It is good.

May God grant us the ability to live life to the full. May He grant us the ability to prepare for death. May we be granted a good death. Aameen.

Listening Well

A key component of listening well is what Dr Scott Peck describes as “bracketing.” Bracketing is “the temporary giving up or setting aside of your own prejudices, frames of reference, and desires in order to experience as far as possible another world from the inside, stepping inside his or her shoes” (The Road Less Travelled and Beyond, p. 52). When conversing with someone, bracketing involves the temporary total acceptance of him or her. Sensing this acceptance, he or she will open up and share things with you. When bracketing is achieved, deep communication takes place. Deep communication is therapeutic. The fact that psychotherapy works so well in many cases is mostly because the patient feels that he or she is being listened to, sometimes for the first time in years, or for some for the first time ever.

Some people think a psychologist’s job is easy. It appears to us that they just chat to people. But during the whole time that a client is talking, the psychologist, if he or she is practicing love (extending oneself for mutual growth), is engaged in a very active and challenging process of stepping out of his or her shoes and into the shoes of another person and seeing the world from that person’s point of view. Thus, listening well is not passive behaviour. Rather, Dr Peck notes, “it is an active exercise of our attention and by necessity, is hard. It is because they do not realise this or because they are not willing to do the work that most people do not listen well” (The Road Less Travelled and Beyond, p. 52). The hard work of listening well is the psychologist’s bread and butter which is why they are paid well because they are part a small minority of the human race able to practice this behaviour.

We all have the capacity to listen well. The capacity for listening well is related to our capacity for love. If we love others, if we are ready to extend ourselves for their spiritual growth. Via this readiness the difficulty of listening well can be overcome. So it all comes back to love. If we can manage to love others and listen well our conversations with others will become therapeutic for them. And one will become as it were a lay psychologist.

May God grant us the capacity to love and practice proper listening. Aameen.